I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
