Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
