she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
