When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
