Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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