Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
