the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How does one acquire holy water?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
