Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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