you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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