I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
