i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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