dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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