I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
