i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
and she was petting her beer can
I wish you could order shots online.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize