proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
