You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
