not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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