Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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