Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
