Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she peed on how many people?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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