I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
