left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
