Where is the hickey?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i out mim tonsoeep
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
