He felt like a one man threesome
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
