he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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