In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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