Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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