she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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