If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
