That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
