scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
