Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
