Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
