Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
