god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
