I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
