I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
