Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize