Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
