I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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