Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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