i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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