be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
