So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
