oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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