Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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