Buhtt sex?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
