When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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