God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
