if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
