Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Green mimosas i think yes
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
