Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
