dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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