Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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