so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
