well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
