why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
