Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
