So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
