what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
