Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
