Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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