i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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