I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
