Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
