Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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