About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
