It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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