How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
