I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
What a dumb baby whore.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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