I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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