ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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