I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
