I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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