it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
