remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
