Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
