I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
