I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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