I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
