just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you mean i was at the winter classic?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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