Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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