so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
