My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What a dumb baby whore.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
