No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize