o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
