Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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