i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
