This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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