He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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