Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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