Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
