I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
