In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
