Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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