you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
